The Master Coach by Gregg Thompson

Author:Gregg Thompson
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781590794203
Publisher: SelectBooks, Inc.
Published: 2017-04-22T04:00:00+00:00

9

Emotional Intelligence

Let’s not forget that the little emotions are the great captains of our lives and we obey them without realizing it.

—VINCENT VAN GOGH, Letter to Theo, 1889

When it comes to the character of the coach, there is one final dimension that must not be neglected: emotional intelligence. Put simply, emotional intelligence is about learning to recognize our own feelings and those of others and to manage these feelings well in ourselves and in our relationships. And these abilities are central to the building of character. In fact, Daniel Goleman, who popularized the notion with his bestselling book, has said that character is simply “an old-fashioned word for the body of skills that emotional intelligence represents.”30

Before I go any further, let me just acknowledge that many people, myself included, instinctively cringe when words like “emotion” get mixed up with business. We’ve been trained to see our workplaces as domains where rationality reigns, and messy, touchy-feely things like emotions are best left at home. (I find it amusingly ironic that this instinctive antipathy to emotions is itself an emotional response, triggered in the brain by a lifetime’s habit, and having little to do with the rational, conscious, smart aspects of the self . . . but I digress.) Thankfully, over time, my perspective on emotions has far outgrown my old-fashioned and not-so-rational desire to segregate them from the world of work. And I’m not alone. Today, more enlightened businesspeople across the world recognize that it’s neither possible nor desirable to leave our emotions out of business. As Dan Shapiro writes in Harvard Business Review, “First, it’s hard to pull off, as anyone who has had sweaty palms or a pounding heart during a heated conversation can attest. Second, and more important, it’s not in your interest to do so.”31

Wise leaders and great coaches accept that there is emotion in every human endeavor—business, family, sports, and politics—and it affects everyone. Sometimes those emotions have positive effects. They bind relationships with warmth and vitality, infusing projects with passion, inspiring loyalty, and motivating teams. Other times, they have negative consequences—clouding judgment, delaying decisions, and leading to conflict and drama. But they cannot be avoided, especially by those who aspire to lead.

Emotions can be a close ally or a strong opponent, depending on how conscious you are of their triggers, habitual manifestations, and impact. They are portals of self-discovery if we choose to make them so. Nowhere does the adage that “knowledge is power” apply more aptly than in the case of knowledge of one’s emotions. In my experience, there are three things that are important to know about emotions: emotions are connected to things that matter to us; they provide us with very useful information; and, the drive to experience or not experience an emotion determines a lot of our behavior. This makes emotions one of the most powerful forces within us. As such, they are an essential and unavoidable part of coaching.

Emotions are frequently referred to as energy in motion. This is an

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